It’s a Lot Going On in the Pool… but I Chose to Walk on Water

Pool Party Rules for Boundaries, Healing, and Water Walking Faith

One of my favorite Lil Wayne lyrics goes something like this…

“...And if you come from under that water, then there’s fresh air. Just breathe… Baby, God’s got a blessing to spare…”

There is a lot going on in the pool…

and the dangerous part is…
we call it normal.

In case you missed last week’s blog, here is the “Pool Party” story.

There once was a child…

who had just gotten their hair done.

Fresh.

They were invited to a pool party.

Their parents said no.

But the child insisted.

So the parent said yes…

with one condition…

“Do not get your hair wet.”

They go to the party.

Minding their business.

And boom…

someone throws them in the pool.

Everybody is laughing.

Having fun.

Now…ask yourself this…

what if the child got upset?

What if they got out of the pool?

What if they said…
“I did not want this.”

What if they made it clear
that something was not okay?

Would it have shifted the moment?

Probably.

Would it have made others uncomfortable?

Definitely.

Would it have drawn attention
to how they actually felt?

Yes.

And that is the part most people avoid.

Because it is much easier…

to go with the flow…

to laugh it off…

to stay in it…

than it is to disrupt the moment
and reveal how you really feel.

So instead…

everyone makes it normal.

They laugh.

They keep playing.

They appear to be having a good time too.

So…

the child stays.

And says…

“Well…My hair is already wet.”

Because as long as you do not “disturb the peace”…

by letting people know
that you are not okay
with what happened…

and what is happening…

you can stay accepted.

You can stay included.

You can stay comfortable.

But let you speak up…

let you step out…

let you set a boundary…

and now the energy shifts.

Now you are “doing too much.”

Now you are “too sensitive.”

Now you are the problem.

But hear this clearly…

only devils are disturbed by your boundaries.

Those who truly love you…

will respect you.

They will understand
that you have to do what is best for you.

And if your peace requires distance…

they will honor that.

In case no one has ever told you…

you can still get out.

You can still choose differently.

You can still say…
this is not what I wanted.

Because the truth is…

you cannot heal
what you will not reveal.

And you cannot reveal
what you will not allow yourself to feel.

It is okay not to be okay.

It is okay to walk away.

It is okay to decide…

that God has more for you…

and you have stayed long enough
in a place you were never supposed to be…

just to make other people comfortable.

And that is how it happens.

That is how boundaries get broken.

That is how standards get lowered.

That is how we stay in environments
we were never meant to remain in.

Because once it happens…

we convince ourselves…

we might as well stay.

We spend so much time worrying about what people will think… what they will say… or how it will look…

that fear quietly keeps us trapped
in cycles we were never meant to stay in.

This reflection builds on what I shared in
I Almost Married a Man Who Was Never Mine.

The “pool party” was never just a story…

it was revelation.

A way to understand how people move…
how cycles repeat…
how easily we confuse survival with love.

If we are going to develop water walking faith…
we have to become mindful of the water.

We have to see.

We have to establish rules.

We have to be honest about what we are standing in…

before we ask God to change anything around us.

Because not every environment deserves our presence…

and not every person deserves access.

The Pool Party

The pool represents more than a place.

It represents the environments we tolerate…
the relationships we entertain…
the patterns we keep revisiting…
even when God has already shown us what it is.

And the truth is…

there is a lot going on in the pool.

Confusion that gets labeled as chemistry.
Emotional chaos that gets called passion.
Unhealed people trying to love from broken places…
and calling it connection.

The rise.
The crash.
The apology.
The repeat.

And while all of this is happening…

we have children watching.

Watching what we tolerate.
Watching what we excuse.
Watching what we call love.
Watching what we survive.

They see more than we think.

They feel more than we admit.

And what we refuse to confront…

they learn to normalize.

Pool Party Rules

I had to establish rules for myself.

Not because I had everything figured out…

but because I finally saw clearly enough
to know I could not keep living the same way.

Not out of pride…

out of clarity.

Not out of fear…

out of obedience.

Two rules grounded me.

Two rules protected me.

Two rules changed everything.

Rule 1: Don’t Paint Potential

We have to learn to see people
for exactly who they show us they are.

The first time.

Not who they could be.
Not who they might become.
Not who they are on their best day.

But who they consistently show you they are.

And that does not mean you leave immediately.

It does not mean you treat people like they are disposable.

But it does mean…

you have standards.

It means you have boundaries.

It means you know who you are…

and what your life requires.

Because everyone is not ready
for the level of depth your life carries.

And that is okay.

What is not okay…

is lowering your standards
just to make someone else comfortable.

If they are not willing…

or able…

to rise to the level of emotional maturity required to be in your life…

then they are not invited
to your pool.

Who is invited to your pool party?

That is a real question.

Because access is not automatic.

This is a private space.

Peace centered.

Well governed.

Intentional.

Where people respect your house rules.
Where people honor your boundaries.
Where people come whole…
not looking for you to complete them.

Everyone does not get access.

And everyone should not.

As a mother…

this became even more real for me.

If a man cannot provide the level of care… stability… and life
that I have already been able to create for my daughter…

he is not the one.

And that is not said from pride.

It is said from clarity.

Because I know what it takes
to create peace.

To create consistency.

To create safety.

My daughter lives a really good life.

Not perfect…

but intentional.

Covered.

Considered.

Cared for.

And I am not willing
to introduce anything into her world
that would disrupt what I have fought to build.

So this is not about survival.

This is discernment.

If someone cannot add to the standard…

they do not get access to it.

Be protective.
Be proactive.
And be at peace.

Because it is a privilege
just to be in your presence.

We Have Children Watching

This part matters more than we like to admit.

Because children are not just listening…

they are learning.

They feel the tension in the room.

They notice when something shifts.

They see the difference between peace and pressure…

even when we try to pretend everything is fine.

And sometimes…

their honesty threatens the stories we tell ourselves
just to cope…

And sometimes, we refuse to ask…

Because if we are honest…

a lot of what we normalize…

we learned by watching.

And culturally…

children are often taught to be seen and not heard.

To silence their feelings.
To push things down.
To just do as they are told.

And while that may create order…
and in some ways keep them safe…

we have to acknowledge something deeper.

They are breathing.

So they are learning.

They are not waiting for life to start
when they are grown.

They are living right now.

They are watching right now.

They are forming beliefs right now.

And unless we become better examples…

our children will jump into the same pools we created…

and learn to normalize the same patterns.

The same dysfunction.
The same confusion.

Whether it pleases God or not.

We have to be the change we want to see.

And that does not start with them.

It starts with us.

With us holding ourselves accountable.

With us acknowledging the circumstances we have created.

The environments we have tolerated.

The patterns we have ignored just to cope.

And this does not mean
everything changes overnight.

But it does mean
something has to change.

Because if you do not have peace…

there are places God is asking you to surrender.

And you may still be holding on
to old wet rags…

things that are soaked in past cycles…

that no longer serve you
but you have not released.

We were born into this world naked.

And God is not concerned
with how well we dress up the outside.

Not how well we cover it.
Not how well we present it.

What is happening on the inside?

That is what matters.

That is what your children will feel.

That is what they will carry.

My First Heartbreak

I did not just learn this as a woman.

I learned this as a daughter.

My mom was my first heartbreak.

Not because she did not love me…

but because I felt everything she went through.

I watched patterns.

The rise.
The crash.
The recovery.
The repeat.

And one day…

I could not take it anymore.

I moved out of my Mom’s house and chose to live with my Dad in the 6th grade.

That was my first experience
with loving someone deeply…

and still needing distance.

My first experience with grief
while someone was still alive.

That is not easy for a child to carry.

To love your mother…
and still feel wounded by what you witnessed.

To miss her…
and still need space.

To want softness…
and feel exhausted instead.

But by the grace of God…

healing came.

We are in a much better place now, especially since the birth of my daughter 10 years ago.

And that matters.

Because this is not dishonor.

This is honesty.

The Words I Had to Eat

I told myself…

I would never be like what I witnessed.

But life has a way of humbling
every loud vow we make
outside of healing.

Because if you do not take your thoughts captive…

if you do not allow God to deal with your wounds…

if you do not confront what shaped you…

you will find yourself
eating words you once said with pride.

Unhealed judgment…

will eventually become a mirror.

And if we are not careful…

we do not just repeat patterns…

we become them.

Awareness is the first step
to overcoming yourself…

but what you do once you see it
makes all the difference.

One of my closest friends told me…

“If you can see it… you can solve it.”

And that stayed with me.

Because seeing is not enough.

You have to choose differently.

Rule 2: Don’t Be a Pacifier

Unhealed people treat people like pacifiers.

They reach for you when they feel discomfort…

They hold onto you when they need soothing…

They depend on you to regulate
what they never learned to sit with on their own.

And for a moment…

it feels like love.

But it is not love.

It is relief.

And the moment that relief is interrupted…

everything changes.

They drop you.

They replace you.

They create chaos to regain control.

Not because you did not matter…

but because they never learned
how to sit with themselves.

Many people have aged…

but they have not healed.

So they attach themselves to dysfunction…

because dysfunction feels familiar.

Predictable.

Normal.

We inherited patterns
and called them personality.

We inherited survival
and called it love.

We inherited instability
and called it chemistry.

And if you are not careful…

your pool will be full of uninvited guests…

people who should have never been there
to begin with.

Do not spend your time
talking about people or problems…

or making room for offense that is not even yours.

Pay attention to what you allow.

Your pool is your responsibility. 

When You Know, You Know

There comes a moment…

when you see clearly.

And once you see…

you cannot unsee.

Once you know…

you cannot unknow.

Ephesians 6:12 is real.

And you will only have peace in your pool…

when you are living a life
that pleases God.

Because peace is not just a feeling.

It is alignment.

Water Walking Faith

Water walking faith is saying…

I see the water.
I feel the fear.
But I trust God more
than what I have been standing in.

So I am leaving the pool.

And I am answering the call
to come home.

Before I ever understood what it meant to walk on water…

I had to learn not to fear it.

I remember when my dad taught me how to swim.

He did not ease me into it.

He threw me in.

And I can still hear his voice…

“Swim or die, Becca. Swim or die.”

And the truth is…
life has done that to me more than once.

Thrown me into moments I did not choose…
and told me to figure it out while I was in it.

Surely… he would not have let me drown.

But in that moment…

I did not feel that.

I felt afraid.

I felt the depth.

I felt the weight of being in something I did not fully understand yet.

And I had a choice.

Sink…
or move.

So I started moving.

Doggy paddling.

Fighting.

Trying.

Doing the best I could
to get to the edge.

And I made it.

I will never forget what he said next.

“Good job. Now I can teach you how to swim for real… because you are not scared of the water.”

That day stayed with me.

Because it was never just about swimming.

It was about fear.

It was about learning how to function
in something that felt overwhelming.

It was about realizing…

I was capable of more than I thought.

And I am glad I learned.

I am glad I learned how to swim.

I am glad I learned
not to fear being thrown into the deep end.

Because much of my life…

has felt like I have been navigating deep waters.

Unexpected.

Unpredictable.

Sometimes overwhelming.

But I kept moving.

And somewhere along the way…

I stopped just trying to survive the water…

and I learned what it meant
to walk on it.

And now I feel compelled
to share that with others.

Because this is bigger than me.

This is generational.

I made sure my daughter learned too.

I got her swim lessons at four years old.

By five…

she was swimming in the ocean.

Because I needed her to understand early…

what it means to be in deep waters
and not panic.

What it means to trust.

What it means to move.

Because here is the truth…

We are the water.

Our feelings…

the life we have to navigate…

they are the waves.

Unpredictable.

Sometimes raging.

Sometimes bigger than we imagined.

But we have learned something.

We have learned how to settle ourselves.

We have learned how to come back to center.

We have learned how to come home.

And rest safely…

in Jesus’ arms.

God is real.

And when you know how to be still in Him…

you are no longer controlled
by the waves.

Take a Look at the Water

Pause.

Do not scroll past this.

Do not rush this part.

This is where honesty meets accountability.

This is where excuses lose power.

This is where change actually begins.

Take a moment…

and really look at the water you are in.

Not what you hope it is.

Not what you tell other people it is.

Not what you have convinced yourself it could become.

What is it… really?

Is it peaceful…

or are you constantly anxious?

Is it safe…

or are you always adjusting yourself to keep it from breaking?

Is it clear…

or are you living in confusion…

trying to make sense of something
God already showed you?

Because confusion…

is not something to ignore.

Confusion is clarity.

It is your spirit letting you know…

something is off.

Something is not aligned.

Something is not at peace.

And if you are honest…

you already know.

You have felt it.

You have seen it.

You just have not wanted to fully face it.

So pause.

Face your decisions.

Not to shame yourself…

but to free yourself.

Because healing does not begin
with pretending.

It begins with truth.

Cast your cares to God.

Not once.

Not when it is convenient.

But every time it comes up.

Every thought.

Every feeling.

Every moment of discomfort.

Give it to Him.

Again…

and again…

and again.

Because you cannot carry peace
and hold on to what is disturbing it.

You have to release something.

And if you do not have peace…

there are places in your life
God is asking you to surrender.

But you may still be holding on…

to old wet rags.

Old patterns.

Old people.

Old versions of yourself.

Things that are soaked
in past cycles…

that no longer serve you…

but you have not let go.

And the truth is…

the only person
that can keep you in the pool…

is you.

Not your past.

Not other people.

Not what happened to you.

You.

So what are you going to do…

now that you see it?

Not everyone needs more time…

some things just need a decision.

Closing

Be free.

Release.

Let go of what you already know is not aligned.

We have to live every day like it matters…

because it does.

Fear is not your future.

Faith is believing that God is in control…

no matter what.

So I pray you never stop believing
in the goodness of God…

even on your worst day.

Let’s learn.

Let’s grow.

Let’s evolve.

One decision…

and one day at a time.

I hope this heals.

You already know what kind of water you’re in.

The only question now is…
are you ready to get out?