Peace Over Power: Rethinking Respect
What if respect has nothing to do with them… and everything to do with you?
When tested, do you choose peace… or power?
Did you hear about the rose that grew through a crack in the concrete? - Tupac Shakur
“I’m big, you’re small…”
There is a scene in Matilda where the adult stands over a child and declares,
“I’m big, you’re small. I’m right, you’re wrong.”
It is meant to feel exaggerated. Almost ridiculous.
But if we are honest… it is not just a movie moment.
It shows up in classrooms.
It shows up in homes.
It shows up in relationships.
It shows up anywhere power replaces respect.
And somewhere along the way, many of us were taught a definition of respect that got rewritten by the world.
The definition we were given vs the one we see lived
I was raised with a simple truth:
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Clear. Direct. Human.
But culture complicated it.
Somewhere along the way, respect became:
control
dominance
authority
something to be earned
And that creates tension… because if respect must be earned, then what do we owe each other as human beings?
Here is what I have come to understand:
Respect, at its core, is not earned.
Access is earned. Trust is earned. Proximity is earned.
But respect? That is a reflection of you.
Why people struggle to give what they have never received
Not everyone has the capacity to treat you how they want to be treated.
Because some people:
do not respect themselves
have never experienced safe, healthy relationships
have never been in your shoes
I have learned I can treat people well because I have been through something.
Pain gave me perspective.
But growth gave me something deeper:
Grace.
Because the truth is…
No one has lived your exact life.
And you have not lived theirs.
The freedom of focusing on what you can control
You are not responsible for how people show up.
You are responsible for how you respond.
That shift will free you.
Because when you stop trying to control:
how people act
what people say
how people feel about you
You start experiencing something powerful:
Peace.
That is how someone can sit behind physical bars… and still carry joy.
And how others walk freely… but remain trapped in their own mind.
The real prison most people are in
Many people are not trapped by circumstance.
They are trapped by:
unhealed trauma
repeated thoughts
rehearsed pain
inherited patterns
Trauma is not just what happened.
It is the body’s response to overwhelming stress.
And those responses can become stories we never tell.
Stories we bury.
Stories we avoid.
Stories that quietly shape how we love, react, and respond.
The mind, stress, and the illusion of control
Recently, in The Let Them Theory, I learned that the average human thinks about 70,000 thoughts per day, and 7 out of 10 adults live in a chronic state of stress.
Control is the illusion of safety.
Do not allow other people’s behavior, young or old, big or small, no matter the title, to stress you out.
The more you know, the more mindful you can become.
You have two choices with people: accept them, or create the distance you need.
The decision to be different
Some things are biological.
Some patterns are generational.
But at some point, it becomes a choice.
Just because something has been…
does not mean that is how it should be.
You get to decide:
how you show up
how you respond
how you break cycles
Change does not start with perfection.
It starts with awareness… and a decision.
Respect and the discipline of choosing peace
Choosing peace over being right is not weakness.
It is discipline.
It means:
not matching disrespect with disrespect
not lowering yourself to prove a point
not allowing someone else’s behavior to control yours
It means remembering:
You can love people… and still create distance.
Because respect does not mean access.
And boundaries are not punishment.
They are protection.
“Let them…” — and let you
The message behind The Let Them Theory is simple, but powerful:
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them talk.
Let them go.
But more importantly…
Let you:
choose peace
choose growth
choose yourself
Because “let them” is not about them.
It is about you releasing what you were never meant to carry.
Forgiveness, identity, and the mind
The greatest battle is rarely external.
It is internal.
There is a reason the enemy attacks the mind.
Because if he can control your thoughts, he can shape your life.
Think about Judas Iscariot.
It was not just the mistake that destroyed him.
It was the inability to forgive himself.
Forgiveness starts in the mirror.
Healing starts with honesty.
And change starts with a choice.
Naming your feelings is respect
The Bible says, “When I was a child, I thought as a child…”
But please understand that most people, and I would argue especially in Black culture and in poverty, were never given the tools to process or communicate.
We all need grace.
Adults, at our core, are just as emotional as children… we just know how to hide it better.
But behavior will always speak for itself.
Because when we silence parts of ourselves, we disrespect ourselves.
I read somewhere that every time you name how you feel, you are showing yourself respect.
I pray you find a safe place to name how you feel, whether it be a journal, a trusted friend or family member, or even a therapist.
But do not stay there in the feeling.
Move through it, decide what happens next, and remember that you can only control you.
Parents, leaders, and the responsibility of power
That Matilda moment is not just about villains.
It is a warning.
Because power without self awareness becomes harm.
Parents… we are human.
But our children deserve our best effort, not just our authority.
Leaders… titles do not equal character.
And just because the world gives you a position…
does not mean you are operating in purpose.
Treat people like people
Respect is not about:
age
education
income
status
It is about humanity.
Someone being different from you does not give you permission to diminish them.
And someone being “less” in the world’s eyes does not make them less in God’s eyes.
The real battle and your responsibility
Since we wrestle not against flesh and blood, let’s accept that we must go to war for our minds, our bloodlines, and our legacies.
Have the hard conversation if you must.
Separate yourself if you must.
Go all in and use the tools I have provided in my blogs.
If you are reading this, please know I am always just a phone call away.
Skills take time, practice, and most of all, desire to learn.
I will always have the desire to learn, no matter how much I know.
Let’s wake up and taste the freedom God has already promised us.
Tools do not make it easier… they help you choose.
We are all connected.
And sometimes we have to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and ask… would we like how that feels?
Because most of the time, if someone is giving you a hard time, it means they are having a hard time.
You get to decide how you will show up for them.
And most importantly… how you will show up for you.
There have been times I wanted to give people a piece of my mind, and I could feel parts of me rising inside… yet on the outside, all they could see was the Glory of God.
We all have an obligation to try to be like Jesus.
He is the standard.
And we fall short daily.
But that does not mean we normalize negativity.
We are called to be light.
And light is designed to illuminate dark spaces.
Yes, it may be uncomfortable… but it is time to turn on the lights, wake up, and let your light shine.
Respectfully.
Final reflection: Who do you want to be?
In 100 years, none of this will be here.
Not the titles.
Not the arguments.
Not the opinions.
Just impact.
Just legacy.
So the real question is:
Who do you want to be remembered as?
Because every day, you are answering that question… with your choices.
So let them…
…and let you become the version of yourself
that treats people with dignity,
chooses peace,
and walks in purpose.
Because the world does not need more power.
It needs more people who know how to respect.